"You know, it wasn't your fault that you missed that hanky. It was the hanky's loss. Because you are perfect and you can never make a mistake." - A judge on a kids' dance show to a child who missed holding a hanky right during his performance.
Listening to these comments made me think about what was being taught/modeled to a seven year old about ...ummm 'life'? What is wrong in making a mistake? Why can't he make a mistake? Wouldn't it make a child pressured about making it perfect all the time? Can't it lead to stress, anxiety, superiority complex? Won't it take away a chance to learn something new, something different, a possibility of failure and being ok about it, trying again and again and may be once again, working even harder, not giving up, inner motivation, asking for a help or guidance, thinking about inter dependency and so much more?
I was clearly judging the judge. I probably was the same person before having J in my life. But as I am learning, it's ok to make mistakes and to work on improving, I chose to forgive myself );. But my notebook was certainly denoted with some serious notes. Some from the book I am reading currently, 'Kids are worth it!' - Barbara Coloroso.
- It is OK to make a mistake.
- It is OK to accept it and talk about it.
- Mistakes are for learning.
- Understand that blaming doesn't help.
- Accept the reality, it de-clutters mind off the negatives of the mistake, it gives enough space to think about how to solve the problem.
- Think about it, evaluate, write it down and think again how would you like to work at it, then write about it too and implement the plan. Writing helps.
- Trust a child with the ideas he thinks can work to improve, let him work on it and figure it out; help only when asked.
- Allow him to experience natural consequences of a mistake when appropriate (tricky, but our intuition can tell when to rush to rescue and when not to.)
- Always be there to listen and to offer support whenever needed.
- Let him make 'cheap' mistakes at younger age and practice solutions; he will learn lot more before it is time for us to really get worried about 'big' mistakes. The practice will make them think well before falling into the peers' "demands".
"Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it." - David Starr Jordan.
